In my defense though I suffered a terrible childhood and found that bullying as an outlet was a good way to release all the anger I stored up inside. It's a lame excuse I know, but it worked for me for most of my life.
I tamed down when I started working and when realized that I am but a speck of dust in the corporate world and the real life bullies were meaner and more unforgiving -- the big bad bosses (not you Kitkat, you were great). But I found myself still bullying a class of powerless folks -- the household help (wherein, if you haven't done the math yet, I am the big bad boss in the picture).
I don't abuse them physically but my very little tolerance for obtuse behavior caused me to verbally hurt our helpers. Don't get me wrong, I don't curse or use harsh words. On the contrary, my talent in using sugarcoated sarcasm did most of the work.
As we all know, we can't read the Bible without it affecting our lives, without it changing us. Because of God's love, I am slowly changed and I find that I have been able to let go of almost all the things I'm not proud of. And the magnitude of grace that comes from God surprises me everyday.
The point of this journal today is inspired by our 2 helpers who went home at 2 in the morning from day off. As an employer I have all the right to throw a fit. And I was actually already fuming at 12 midnight, when I needed them (I was working late) and they are still nowhere to be found. I was arguing with my mom about rules on day off and stuff like that but mostly I was pissed at having to do something myself when they are paid to do just that. In short, all my fruits fell off.
Being in Christ doesn't mean you're a perfect person. But here's the good news, I caught myself early, through the Holy Spirit, and I calmed down. Then in spite of my anger I started worshiping God. I prayed, read my Bible and was overcome by peace that I can't begin to describe.
2 hours later the helpers ring the doorbell. I opened the door for them and I was surprised at myself for not yelling. I did not even tell them off. I asked where they've been and told them to rest. I was just so surprised at how composed I was that I suspected it was the Holy Spirit taking over me. And that's the way I prayed it would be. To God be the Glory!
Fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:2, The Msg)
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